Niamh Delmar is a Chartered Registered Counselling Psychologist and provides Psychological Support Workshops to work environments. Here, she writes about what it means to 'man up' and why we should challenge toxic masculinity.
Although it can be used in a variety of contexts, the term "manning up" originated in the mythopoetic men's movement of the 1980s and 1990s, which sought to help men express their manhood through wilderness retreats and therapeutic workshops.
This movement, inspired by the works of psychotherapist Carl Jung, and not without its own problematic areas, avoided political and social topics, instead trying to access an inner sense of masculinity that had more to do with personal growth.
Now, however, the phrase can evoke a version of masculinity that is unhealthy and harmful, one that, in certain cases, condones or encourages aggression, homophobia and hostility towards women. This can be considered a manifestation of toxic masculinity.
What is toxic masculinity?
Toxic masculinity refers to a set of stereotypical beliefs and behaviours either linked to or expected of men that is broadly considered to be harmful to themselves and the people around them. In the context of toxic masculinity, the idea of manning up can foster a culture of controlling behaviour, chauvinism, being hyper competitive, and even being sexually aggressive.
This process can begin very early. From a very young age, some men internalise the expectation that they should be macho, dominant, athletic, strong and hostile to emotional expression. Boys learn how to become youths and men from parents, peers and the media. Being raised in a digital world, the internet and social media are now also powerful influencers.
Within this sphere, there is a tangible network of online communities endorsing hatred and negative behaviours towards women and girls. Toxic masculinity permeates throughout the classroom, sports, streets, workplace and relationships.
The term is also sometimes inappropriately used to put down males. Boys and men should not be demeaned because of their gender. If perceived in this way, defensive reactions, rather than positive change, arise.
Healthy masculinity
It is important to note that masculinity itself is not toxic. Healthy masculinity does not preclude traditional masculine traits. Boys can play football and men can be the bread winner, if it suits all involved. It allows men to accept their bodies, develop meaningful connections, emotionally regulate and be strong yet tender.
Such a man is respectful of others, is not dictated by stereotypes, and strives to be emotionally aware and available. He does not have to prove his manhood or get defensive of those who are different. This person functions well in society.
Toxic masculinity carries risks to women, other genders, communities and to men themselves. It creates a culture in which abusive treatment of women and differences is tolerated and contributes to gender inequalities. References such as "boys will be boys" minimises inappropriate behaviours.
Masculinity and gender roles
Gender role conflict puts significant pressure on men or boys who do not meet the expectations of toxic masculinity. Appearing invulnerable takes its toll. There can be a discrepancy between the "hard man" on the outside and the core person within.
As a result, males may try to emulate traits or "prove" their manhood by engaging in bullying, assaults or dangerous behaviours. Difficulties at school, jail time, substance abuse and a deficit of genuine friendships may result.
Another risk factor for boys and men themselves is isolation. Toxic masculinity makes it very difficult for them to ask for help. This can have a detrimental impact on their physical and psychological health. It can block them from opening up and seeking support from those close to them or professionals.
There is sometimes a negative attitude to seeking mental health services. Studies have shown that such men were also less likely to avail of preventative health care. Added pressures to be strong, have a certain social status and provide without complaint can backfire.
Having a lack of empathy is also a by-product. Studies show men with strong masculinity tend not to intervene if someone is being assaulted. Giving no support impacts families and society. Such men tend to see household and childcare duties as "women’s work," placing stress on the family unit.
These attitudes and behaviours can create a breeding ground for domestic violence. Toxic masculinity and risk factors for violence include a dysfunctional family environment, exposure to violent norms, violence in the home or community, a lack of access to mental health services, a deficit in behavioural control and social rejection by peers.
Positive change
Masculinity is complex and is influenced by age, culture, class and religion. It is necessary to question and dismantle stereotypes and archaic traits, choose healthy role models, adopt respectful attitudes and open up if needed. Gender role myths can be challenged: a study from 'Scientific Reports' found that men’s emotions fluctuated as much as women’s did.
Toxic masculinity should not be forced upon a young person. Masculinity can be a healthy part of who you are, not all of who you are. Differences, including gender and neurodiversity, need to be allowed space to thrive in society.
Instilling toxic masculinity in boys can lead to lowered self-esteem, aggression and mental health difficulties. Monitoring online and peer interactions for violence and misogyny is one way to keep an eye on his progress.
Facilitate opportunities for emotional expression and foster a respectful attitude to women. Being able to open up and have healthy attitudes does not take away masculinity. Seeking help is a sign of self-awareness and strength.
Telling boys not to show emotions send out a message that feelings are wrong and should be hidden. So where do they go? Providing opportunities for interactions with girls so they are not just viewed as romantic partners is healthy. Women and girls can also play a role in examining their expectations of boys and men and calling out unhealthy attitudes.
While not all behaviours or crimes are caused by toxic masculinity, it has negative and dangerous consequences. Boys’ positive community engagements and healthy peer interactions online and in person are hugely important. Awareness in sports and work environments van be fostered.
Drawing on over 40 years of research, the American Psychological Association recognise that such masculinity is psychologically harmful.
Where there is toxic masculinity, there are others subjected to submission and exclusion. Respecting the dignity of another and human rights is the way forward.
If you have been affected by issues raised in this story, please visit: www.rte.ie/helplines.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ.
