Breaking through to a defensive or closed-off coachee requires patience, trust-building, and a non-judgmental approach. I start by creating psychological safety—ensuring they feel heard, respected, and not pressured to change instantly. Instead of challenging their resistance head-on, I practice deep listening, asking open-ended questions that invite self-reflection. I mirror their concerns with empathy, validating their experiences while gently introducing new perspectives. Trust takes time, so I focus on small wins, reinforcing their autonomy in the coaching process. By shifting from authority to partnership, I create a space where they feel empowered to open up, explore, and grow authentically.

To break through with a defensive or closed-off coachee: Build Trust – Create a safe, judgment-free space. Show empathy and patience. Ask Open-Ended Questions – Encourage self-reflection without pressure. Listen Actively – Validate their feelings and concerns. Find Common Ground – Align with their goals and interests. Adjust Your Approach – Match their communication style and pace. Connection takes time—focus on consistency and understanding.

When facing a closed off coachee, I gently name what I observe, ask open ended questions to elevate curiosity and trust, and leverage moments of silence. Also, I take a personal pulse on trust elements of the partnership (competence, authenticity, reliability, and empathy) seeking to identify if I can add trust actions of that element of trust that might be comprimise.

When a coachee is defensive, it's like trying to get through a brick wall, its frustrating, but not impossible. The first step is to lower the pressure. Instead of diving into the issue, build trust by listening without judgment. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know you’re there to support, not to challenge. Gradually ask open-ended questions that encourage self-reflection, not confrontation. Give them space to open up at their own pace. Once that defensive wall starts to crumble, the real breakthroughs happen. "Sometimes, the best connection begins when you stop pushing and start listening!"

When facing a defensive coachee, don’t push—pause. At The Performance Coach (TPC), we teach that presence builds trust. First, regulate your own energy—ease creates safety. Second, gently name what’s in the room: “I sense it’s taking time to settle—shall we check in?” Lastly, honour their resistance—it’s often protection, not opposition. Stay curious. Behind defensiveness lies something valuable waiting to be seen. Coaching begins with connection, not correction.

As a health coach, I see defensiveness as a sign of past struggles, not resistance to change. I create a safe space by listening without judgment, asking open-ended questions, and building trust through small, relatable experiences. Instead of pushing solutions, I focus on small wins that empower clients to take control. When they feel heard and supported, their walls come down naturally.

When facing a defensive or closed-off coachee, the key is to approach the situation with patience, empathy, and understanding. Start by creating a safe and non-judgmental environment where the coachee feels heard and respected.

Understanding that the underlying cause of defensiveness is insecurity. It is critical to provide reassurance and positive feedback to build trust. In my profession, law, there is very little trust and this mindset starts in law school where there is fierce competition to achieve grades to land well-paying jobs. It’s a dog eat dog world out there and a mentee needs a coach that they can trust has their back.

I have to understand that their resistance is usually a result of pain or struggle. That's why I have to speak calmly and patiently to this person because they need to feel that they're not under attack to and that they don't need to be defensive. Then, I need to establish a safe space to understand the root cause all while maintaining communication with empathy until we reach a solution.

Breaking Through with a Defensive or Closed-Off Coachee: - Build Trust First: Create a safe, judgment-free space for open conversation. - Practice Active Listening: Show empathy, acknowledge their feelings, and avoid interrupting. - Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage reflection without pressuring for immediate answers. - Stay Patient and Non-Confrontational: Keep a calm, supportive tone. - Find Common Ground: Relate to their experiences to build rapport. - Reframe Feedback Positively: Focus on growth rather than mistakes. - Give Them Control: Let them set small goals to boost engagement. - Use Humor and Encouragement: Lighten the mood to ease tension.